tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post1872309795781273511..comments2023-09-11T09:19:38.384-05:00Comments on Sarah Ahiers Writes: In Which I ParticipateSarah Ahiershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-87662110821700081142012-05-12T18:06:05.717-05:002012-05-12T18:06:05.717-05:00You can't enjoy freedom if you're dead. Hi...You can't enjoy freedom if you're dead. High stakes, my friend. Glad to be on your team. :)Awesome query.Heather Clarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13826379973881691514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-31891471738709886462012-05-12T16:14:01.682-05:002012-05-12T16:14:01.682-05:00HA! I love that you used "balls up" What...HA! I love that you used "balls up" What a cool premise and your writing is stellar!! SO glad we're teammates!! Good luck in the agent games, fellow initiate ;o)<br /><br />#TeamMonicaFTWerica m. chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14773306703153110737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-34869782094485800112012-05-09T21:50:28.973-05:002012-05-09T21:50:28.973-05:00I SO WANT YOU!!!!!!!
I love the premise and this ...I SO WANT YOU!!!!!!! <br />I love the premise and this hooked me right away!!! <br /><br />I really felt for the MC when he lost the package and from then on, things got really interesting!! <br /><br />I might have some nitpicks, but it’s just that--nothing huge at all. <br /><br />I really want BREAK FREE on my team!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00482654021641010175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-55191776812951503052012-05-07T09:05:08.808-05:002012-05-07T09:05:08.808-05:00I remember reading this 250 in the April Secret Ag...I remember reading this 250 in the April Secret Agent contest. I loved it then and I love it now (even more now that I have read the query too!) I would totally read it! Good luck!<br /><br />Andrea #32aberthothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13966218370118807189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-81292070243346595812012-05-06T22:27:28.429-05:002012-05-06T22:27:28.429-05:00Could be an exciting story. :)
Good luck!
Tina ...Could be an exciting story. :)<br /><br />Good luck!<br /><br />Tina (#194)TYHatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00654651712633828288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-25284680939910807912012-05-06T20:41:53.158-05:002012-05-06T20:41:53.158-05:00Looks good - I'd love to read more! BTW, I lov...Looks good - I'd love to read more! BTW, I love the humor on your blog, especially the Friday Fun pictures.<br />- Carla #152Carla Luna Cullenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10245197620080383172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-89763851858696812592012-05-05T17:13:19.944-05:002012-05-05T17:13:19.944-05:00Stopping by to wish you good luck in TWV. :)Stopping by to wish you good luck in TWV. :)Mia K Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10559392161390047500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-83361487224543978222012-05-05T15:50:57.216-05:002012-05-05T15:50:57.216-05:00Plenty of tension in your 250! :) Good luck!Plenty of tension in your 250! :) Good luck!Carrie Butlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01540590799406170410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-33681966093263338372012-05-05T11:48:06.648-05:002012-05-05T11:48:06.648-05:00Stopping in to wish you luck in the contest. I enj...Stopping in to wish you luck in the contest. I enjoyed reading your query and first 250. Great voice and I love Kiel's name. ;) WVC #28Kimberly Gabrielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05588782441929008886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-27257826917888431422012-05-04T23:41:12.473-05:002012-05-04T23:41:12.473-05:00Good stuff. There's a lot of world building g...Good stuff. There's a lot of world building going on here that I think can bring about a fantastic story. Here's hoping to read it all one day.<br />Once again, good luck.Adam Osterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13890892064225079261noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-20342849830339024062012-05-04T22:55:14.877-05:002012-05-04T22:55:14.877-05:00Good luck from one contestant to another!Good luck from one contestant to another!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-4031190519495820332012-05-04T20:13:42.413-05:002012-05-04T20:13:42.413-05:00You have a great writing voice, your humor really ...You have a great writing voice, your humor really shines through.<br /><br />Good luck!C.G.Aylinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09612362478635598996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-23868690540537007592012-05-04T15:13:29.177-05:002012-05-04T15:13:29.177-05:00Now I know your LAST name too! HA!
I loved your en...Now I know your LAST name too! HA!<br />I loved your entry. (Especially the part about trees killing and flowers resurrecting the dead. *shiver*)<br />But your cat vids and harry potter posters made me laugh out loud! Hilarious. Good luck.<br />-Ryan<br />(#122)Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17789434379917863100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-14167111257939446182012-05-04T12:21:23.596-05:002012-05-04T12:21:23.596-05:00I love this first paragraph. Great tension. Good...I love this first paragraph. Great tension. Good luck!RaeChellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07661557579359565390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-89375956914784969622012-05-04T00:27:28.296-05:002012-05-04T00:27:28.296-05:00Love it Sarah! Good luck!!Love it Sarah! Good luck!!Jennie Baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02088195986628533511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-293382784536265272012-05-03T20:58:49.572-05:002012-05-03T20:58:49.572-05:00I am here to send the luck vibes.
I love Kiel'...I am here to send the luck vibes.<br /><br />I love Kiel's voice. Oh dear, I may be screwed =.=Krysten Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00096398703526110271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-73482127557689169742012-05-03T20:35:11.553-05:002012-05-03T20:35:11.553-05:00Fellow entrant stopping by to say hi and wish you ...Fellow entrant stopping by to say hi and wish you good luck!<br /><br />Love the entry - the last line of your query is a kicker.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-69925012276988888412012-05-03T19:03:16.820-05:002012-05-03T19:03:16.820-05:00the narrative is solid. I think you nailed it.
Bu...the narrative is solid. I think you nailed it.<br /><br />But the query needs a little tightening to make it as strong as the copy.Maria Zanninihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01604862636922299273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-59351166648279585522012-05-03T18:26:23.690-05:002012-05-03T18:26:23.690-05:00nice. Lots of great worldbuilding. I think the who...nice. Lots of great worldbuilding. I think the whole first paragraph could be trimmed to a sentenec or two. It's important to have the bad deal in there, beacsue I;m guessing that's what pushed him into the deal with Izzy.<br /><br />First 250 are great. The stubble threw me for a second, until I remembered my HS boyfreind was shaving in 12th grade, so you're good!Eliza Tiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00765731038856226730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-72406239369379899882012-05-03T14:13:39.226-05:002012-05-03T14:13:39.226-05:00See you made it in :) - Good luck!See you made it in :) - Good luck!Tonja Dreckerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07683717853264134466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-70801082417347429712012-05-03T13:10:25.292-05:002012-05-03T13:10:25.292-05:00Just wanted to pop by and say GOOD LUCK!!! You hav...Just wanted to pop by and say GOOD LUCK!!! You have an awesome story, and I hope the coaches are savvy enough to see that ;)<br />Ninja GirlNinja Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00901215698632029838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-71385277068888492902012-05-03T11:48:59.803-05:002012-05-03T11:48:59.803-05:00Lovely. I want to know what got Kiel indebted to t...Lovely. I want to know what got Kiel indebted to the Baron in the first place. Like Michael said, I wonder if that level of detail on the Baron is a bit of a dodge, since the main focus of the story is the deal with Izzy. I guess you do need to introduce the concept of the debt to explain your first 250, though? Maybe just in a more compact way?<br /><br />Good luck. <br /><br /><a href="http://elizabethtwist.blogspot.ca/" rel="nofollow"> Elizabeth Twist: Writer, Plague Enthusiast</a>Elizabeth Twisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03133959633383307056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-66303888830416693662012-05-03T11:26:43.187-05:002012-05-03T11:26:43.187-05:00Congrats on getting in!!! Good luck!Congrats on getting in!!! Good luck!Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06373650788799372118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-60581048032856131352012-05-03T10:50:29.257-05:002012-05-03T10:50:29.257-05:00Loved it! Best of luck! :)Loved it! Best of luck! :)Talli Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780882465745107715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5439499929311889062.post-80114970751793082572012-05-03T10:47:59.400-05:002012-05-03T10:47:59.400-05:00Yay! Good luck! Love the first 250!Yay! Good luck! Love the first 250!Summer Freyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04234534550255682010noreply@blogger.com