Tuesday, March 9, 2010

In Which I Entered Another Contest

I entered something in Natalie Whipple's Dark and Stormy Contest. I actually wrote a little flash fiction piece. Of course, once I finally got it down to 250 words is when I realized I forgot to open with the weather.

Yeah, I left out the whole point of the contest. Smooth Sarah...

So anyway, I was able to delete a few more words (and it was hard, I had already cut out 150 words, which is a lot for a short piece) and stick in my weather reference.

I was pretty sure I had no chance because I didn't weave the weather throughout, and I was correct.

But still, I kinda liked it, so here it is for everyone to read.


On a sunny afternoon, Jim left Jena with a bellyful of baby for some trollop. Still, Jena sometimes missed him. After all, Jim had made her a mommy.

Clara was the perfect baby, Jena’s soul mate, the reason she allowed Jim back in their lives. Surely some good existed in him since he was partially responsible for the exquisite Clara. And more than anything, Jena loved Clara.

Which is why, when Jena first noticed the fangs, she wasn’t scared.

The two fangs were a shiny white, no bigger than grains of rice. They responded with Clara’s mood: happy meant no fangs, hungry or angry meant the delicate fangs would pop out.

Jena became anemic. But it wasn’t Clara’s fault. Jena loved every inch of Clara, even the inches that drew blood.

So she stopped breastfeeding and tried formula, but Clara lost all interest in food. Her nightly cries kept Jena awake and nothing soothed. Finally, when it became too much, Jena called Jim.

It didn’t take much to convince him to come over: the promise of liquor, maybe a little amorous fun.

“Say hello to the baby,” Jena said and thrust Clara into her daddy’s arms.

Jim held Clara to his shoulder and rubbed her back. He wasn’t, after all, a bad father.

Clara nudged her daddy’s neck. Her tiny fangs erupted and slid into Jim’s skin.
Jena was there to catch Clara when Jim collapsed. After all, she was a mommy, and would do anything for Clara.


I know. Vampires again? Yeah. But it's a vampire baby. Anyway it's not like that's how I intended for it to go, but what can you do?

I might possibly like to stretch this out a bit, add a couple hundred words, so I can do less telling and really weave more of a theme throughout. But we'll see.

I've got bigger projects that need editing first.

Anyone else enter a piece in the contest?


Anne said...

was that the baby pic you couldn't get to work on your laptop?

wv: mulmasat

Falen said...

Anne - no that's a different one. I stopped trying the other one because it kept crashing me laptop

Your Friendly Neighborhood Palindrome said...

That picture is just utterly creepy. And we both blogged on contests...on the same day!! Great minds and all that.

Janel said...

I entered the contest too! One of the many thunderstorm entries. I'm going to rework my entry and flesh it out some more too.

Loved the vampire baby! Serves her daddy right for abandoning them :)

Southpaw said...

That was a fun story. :) Good luck in the contest. I didn't enter the contest. Time just slipped away from me.

Tara said...

Talk about a twist. Nice!

That is about the creepiest baby picture ever.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...


Piedmont Writer said...

Oh that was great!!!

Teebore said...

I still love the tiny teeth.

M.R.J. Le Blanc said...

Woo, that was delightfully creepy! Nice job.

Sandi Delia said...

I don't know how you do it, but you get me to either gasp with surprise or giggle with delight every time I read one of your stories. And I agree - that picture is really creepy.

Falen said...

Thanks everyone!

The scary part is, that picture is one of the CUTER vampire babies. Yeah. Just check google images for vampire baby and you'll see what i mean.

Nicole Ducleroir said...

Loved it! A baby only a mother could love...and a mom who would go to any length for her child. Great job!

sarahjayne smythe said...

Great piece, great picture of the baby. :) And yeah, I did enter a little something.

SonshineMusic said...

That was cute. I would like to see that fleshed out - just to see what else you can do with it :)

Donna Hole said...

Yeah, I'd really like to see this one as a short story. You could add weather in by describing the awful effects of a bright sunny day!

Way cool.


Falen said...

Thanks everyone! It'll probably sit in my file and i'll forget all about it and then be all surprised when i find it again later.
I love when that happens

Guinevere said...

I love that piece and the pic! The story is a lot of tell, rather than show, but it's still funny and creative. I'd love to read a longer version!

Falen said...

Guinevere - yeah the showing was hard to keep in with the word limit. I'll have to add some showing and cut out the telling and then see where i'm at with the word count

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