Monday, March 29, 2010

In Which I Reveal Fourth Place

Wow! Everyone who submitted to my 100 followers contest did such an AMAZING job! Seriously, I did not expect it to be so hard to choose winners.

Because it was so so hard, I actually had to create a fourth place (or honorable mention, whichever you prefer) and that place is actually held by 2 entries because I just could not decide.

Also, because all the entries were great, everyone who participated will be getting a prize! That's right, a prize for everyone!

What's the prize you ask?
You'll have to wait and see, later in the week.

This is how I'm going to do things. I'll reveal the fourth place winners today (and post their stories for all to read) the third and second place winners tomorrow, the first place winner on Wednesday and Thursday will be a wrap up including what I liked about the remaining entries and what they're receiving as prizes.

Fun times!

Please remember, I chose the stories based on entertainment value alone. Of course they were all entertaining, so hence my earlier mentioned dilemma of choosing winners.

And, since I'm sure you're all anxious, I'll get right to it!

Fourth place is a tie, and the first entry to hold this place (and winner of The Writers Book of Matches and Hooked) is:

Sonshine Music!

Here is her story:

***************

I Have a Bone to Pick


It’s a really bizarre moment when you realize your life will never be the same. I mean, sometimes it sneaks up on you, but other times it’s just right there, in your face, wake up and take notice. Your life’s changing whether you like it or not, for better or for worse.

Have you noticed it’s usually “for worse”? At least, it has been in my experience. You know the phrases. “Your daughter has cancer.” “They did all they could.” “There was an accident.” “The company is ‘restructuring’.”

You want to know the phrase that changed my life? I bet you’ve never heard it before. It went like this:

It all started with my stupid dog. Now, before you go all ASPCA on me, please understand I mean that in the most affectionate way. Marty is the stupidest mutt you will ever meet. The first day I had him he got his ear stuck in the refrigerator. His ear! But I didn’t notice for two hours. He just sat there for two freaking hours with his ear in the fridge waiting for me to come back. What kind of dog does that?

Well, this time he had disappeared for three weeks. I called the pound, talked to my neighbors. Even posted pictures around town. No luck.

I was out in the garden on that fateful day. Minding my own business, just squatting down to inspect a tomato plant, when I was scared out of my wits by a cold nose pressing into the small of my back. It hit hat bare spot between my tee and capris.

“What on earth? Carry muffins in a pan!” I screamed. Sprawling backward into the grass I found myself nose to nose with my grinning, slobbering, brown and grey, seventeen-pound mess of a dog.

See, Marty doesn’t bark, he woofs. And he would have woofed at me if he could have, but he couldn’t. Not with that thing in his mouth. Even though his tail was going eighty miles an hour and he was all kinds of excited to have found me, it was the thing in his mouth that caught my attention.

It was a bone. Not a rawhide, rubber or chunky hunk of bone, but a real bone. It didn’t look like those cartoon bones either. It was red and white and I had never seen anything like it.

Marty dropped it on my chest. “Ew, nasty pie of disgusting grossness!” I jumped up and let the bone fall to the ground. We both stared down at it, then Marty looked up at me and woofed.

“Shut up,” I told him. “Do you realize what a pain this is for me?”

He grinned and his tongue lolled out of his mouth, drool dripping onto my bare toes. I curled them out of instinct and shooed Marty back to the house. He woofed again, bounding around my feet, trying to make sure we both ended up back on the ground.

“Cut it out, you mangy mutt,” I growled, but then I ruffled his ears as I pulled open the screen door.

After locking him in the bathroom so he didn’t spread chaos around the rest of my house, I snagged the phone and rifled through the front of the phone book to find the local police number. Yeah, I don’t have it memorized and this didn’t seem like a 911 worthy call. I snorted as the phone rang. Can you imagine that conversation?

“Yes, I’d like to report a bone. No, my dog brought it home. But it’s real. No, there’s no emergency. No, no one’s in distress. Well, I guess something is. I mean, something’s missing a bone. Those are kind of important.”

Not so much.

Then the operator answered and I found myself saying those same words anyway. There’s no easy way to broach that kind of subject.

The woman thought I was pranking her at first, but I repeated myself until she agreed to send a car over.

The two cops got out of the cruiser and I led them over to the bone. It looked so out of place on my crisp, green lawn. A little harbinger of death and destruction in my corner of the world.

Their faces got all serious. One crouched down, pulled on some gloves and picked it up. He looked at his partner and; here comes that phrase I was talking about at the beginning; he said, “I think it’s human.”

Stupid dog.

****************

I LOVED the humor in this piece. I loved that the dog got his ear stuck in the fridge and I especially loved the "Carry muffins in a pan!" expletive and I expect I will be stealing it and using it in real life. Also, what's not to like when the MC is discussing why they didn't call 911 because of the story they'd have to tell, when they had to tell it anyway to the non-emergency police. Hilarious!

Great job at making me laugh!


The second entry for this place (since again, there was a tie) and also winner of The Writers Book of Matches and Hooked) is:


Palindrome!

Here is her entry:

*************

UPDATED:

Because Palindrome has plans to submit this baby, it can't be posted on the interwebs.

BUT, the story was about a girl who wakes up from a coma and finds that she's very very hungry.
FOR BRAINS

*******************

Ewww! Creepy! Also, awesome. What is not to like about zombie-esqu coma patient? Nothing, that's what.

Also, what I love about Palindrome's writing is her use of metaphor. "There is a dry sponge in my mouth. I try to push it out with my tongue until I realize it is my tongue." I can never metaphor like that, and so am always appreciative of those who can.

Great job to both of you!

If you ladies can email me your mailing addresses, I will send your prizes on their way! (also, please let me know if you have either of those books and I will substitute for another).

Tomorrow, more winners!

20 comments:

Talli Roland said...

Congrats to both; what brilliant entries! Really enjoyed reading them.

Can't wait to read the other winners!

SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

WOOHOO!!!!! I Winned!

I can't believe it :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

I shall e-mail you host-paste.

Tara said...

Wow, great entries, both!

With entries like these, I can see how this must have been difficult to choose!

SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

Oh and also...

Congrats to Palindrome!!!! I too loved the word pictures. Creepiness. :)

Summer said...

Wow! With these in 4th, I can't wait to see the rest! Awesome job, ladies!

Christi Goddard said...

I can easily see why these two placed. They're awesome. I can't wait to read the rest.

No, seriously. I can't wait. I'm exceedingly impatient.

Palindrome said...

Thanks everybody!

@Sonshine or Rebecca (if that's your real name)- we shall battle to the death for full share of 4th!! Bring your sister, if you dare!

I'm too lazy. Virtual high five it is! HUZZAH! We are weiners!

wv: swooperb - Sonshine's humor writing is swooperb!!

Piedmont Writer said...

Congratulations Rebecca and Hannah!!! Fantastic, fabulous writing. I am so impressed with you both. You each brought such a varying array of brilliance to each of your pieces. Awesome - sauce!

I do not envy you Sarah! Like you said that must have been HARDER than hard trying to pick the winners. And kudos to you for making up a 4th place.

Falen said...

there were so many good entries and i felt so bad that i couldn't place a few more of them, which is why i decided there needed to be prizes for all!

Susan Fields said...

Awesome stories - congrats to the winners!

AchingHope said...

@Palindrome: She could dare to bring me, but I don't know how much help I would be. I'd probably just start giggling and mumbling Greek words or something.

Huzzah for the winners! I knew that my sis was brilliant already, but it was still exciting to see her name floating on the computer screen. Wheee! And Palindrome/Hannah's was super creepy. I loved it. :D

I can't wait to read the other winners stories. Squee!

Anne said...

As someone who got to read all the stories, i agree that choosing anyone to place was SUPER difficult because they were all so great. we kept going back and forth because each story had some sort of intriguing or funny little tidbit that just made it.

Congrats to all the winners. i'm out of town until Thursday so i'm congratulating you all now ahead of time
Bravo!

Kittie Howard said...

Congrats to both! Two really nice reads.

Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess said...

Wonderful! I love them both!

Great reads.

Eww is right on Palindrome's... lol Your description is wonderful!

I love the humor in Sonshine Music's!

Great entries - excited for more.

Visit My Kingdom

Teebore said...

Congrats to both of you!

Sonshine, I really liked your MC's voice, capped off by the great "Carry muffins in a pan!" line. It's definitely a funny piece, but I like the foreboding suggested by the last line. It's definitely something I want to know more about: where'd the bone come from? Where was the dog? How'd he get it?

Palindrome, I pretty much agree with Falen: suitably creepy and metaphorically awesome (that is, awesome metaphors). But you knew that already. ;)

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

I loved both these stories! Congrats to Sonshine and Palindrome. Both narrative voices were exceptionally strong, though each exhibited a different brand of creative magic that made her piece stand out.

Looking forward to reading the other winning entries!

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Awesome - both! You are so generous with the prizes, Falen! :-)

Falen said...

I can't help it! All the stories were so great and i needed to reward them!

Tahereh said...

yay for winners!! this is awesome!!

Joan Crawford said...

These are great! I love the line "...before you go all ASPCA on me," in Sonshine's story. I will have to use it next time I call my dog "Dummeh" in public. And: "I mean, something’s missing a bone. Those are kind of important.” LOL!!!
Palindrome - great descriptions! I could fee my head lolling to each side and my sponge tongue. Mainly because I have no neck muscles and a sandpaper tongue but also because of your ability with words.
"I feast." Best ending ever!

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