In Which I Hit A Webinar

So on Thursday of last week, I attended the Writer's Digest Webinar Starting Off Right: How to hook an agent with your first pages (this may not be the exact title. I was dumb and forgot to write it down. It's close though and I'm sure you get the gist)

I heard about this webinar from the lovely Roni over at Fiction Groupie, since it was her agent, Sara Megibow, putting on the webinar. The best part of the webinar? It comes with a critique of the participant's first 3 pages! Awesome, right? Totally worth the money. It's like they knew what bait to hang in front of us to entice us in



see more Lolcats and funny pictures

(also, she stated that, if she likes the first pages, she may ask for more. How awesome is she?)

Anyway, I took notes during the webinar so I could write this blogpost and let you all know what Sara said. I have to say, when the webinar was done, I felt totally confident. She said very little that surprised me and it seems I am on the right track.

She broke it up into a "why" and a "how" section, though most of the seminar was in the "how" section.

WHY (is it important to start off right)

• The agent has to be engaged immediately
• Sara says, for her to offer representation, she must love the manuscript AND think she can sell it
• She also almost always knows within the first three pages if she loves the novel
• She is actively looking for new clients (and she's with the Nelson Literary Agency. Pretty snazzy, IMO)
• She is looking for: YA, MG, Romance, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Women's Fiction and Literary Fiction with a commercial bent
  

That was pretty much it for the "Why" it's important to start off strong. She then went into the "How" and this was broken down to "Hot" and "Not Hot" sections

HOW (to start off strong)
HOT (what she likes to see)

There needs to be:
1. A clear inciting incident
2. Compelling Characterization
3. Command of the basics

1. the writer needs to be able to explain in 1 or 2 sentences what propels the novel forward. This should also be in your query. She says it is essential for the writer to be able to do this. For her, it is a deal breaker if there is no clear inciting incident

2. Why do we care about the characters? This is clearly important and good characterization needs to be present early on

3. This is broken down into more sections:

• Superior writing. If you do not have a firm understanding of the basics of writing, this is a deal breaker for her. She stated multiple times that a writer needs to master the art of writing before one pursues the business of publication
• Unique concept. Which mean, no vampires, no super powered children discovering they're the key to saving the world, no women opening bead and breakfasts, and in sci-fi and fantasy, no prophecies and cliches. None of these things are deal breakers, but you'd better have an interesting spin on it to make her love it or think she can sell it.
• Effortless world building. She wants to be engaged by the world.
• Realistic character motivation. For example, if your character finds a body, that character better have a damn good reason for investigating the murder instead of doing the actually believable thing of calling the police

NOT HOT (what she does not like to see)

1. Data dump - we all know this is a no-no for the beginning of your novel

2. Ineffective use of dialogue - all the examples she showed were obvious things such as "as you know, David, I'm the king and was crowned thirteen years ago on your birthday".

3. telling vs. showing - again, she stated the necessity to have masted the art of writing before jumping into the business of publication

4. mistakes with POV - a deal breaker for her would be an adult narrator in a YA novel. Or strange narrators like houses or jewelry.

5. prologues or dream sequences - this isn't a deal breaker for her, because they can be cut if needed, but it is a red flag. And if you've got some marks against you in other areas (sloppy grammar, etc) you're probably in for a form rejection.

Then the last few minutes of the seminar were wrapped up in questions. A lot of the questions were unproductive or had already been answered (questions about prologues, or questions regarding queries, which the seminar did not address) but I took a few notes.

• it's good to keep momentum moving in the beginning. Shortening chapters is a way to do this, but isn't necessary
• always keep queries short - like back cover
• if the novel's momentum slows in a scene, it's typically due to too much data
• For genre fiction - opening with action is important (though, for fantasy, it's acceptable to start off slower)
• prose and imagery can function as a hook, however this is harder in genre fiction
• if an agency's submission guidelines don't say it's not OK to submit to more than one agent in the agency, then you're probably OK to query more than one agent
• read other books in your genre - especially what's selling well and has good reviews
• if you're looking for critiques of your work from people "in the biz" she recommends the annual Brenda Novak auction (the link she gave is broken. Usually though there's a lot of buzz for it around the time). Yes it will cost money, but it's for a good cause (though in my experience, it's huge leaps above what I could afford).

And that was pretty much everything she talked about!

I would definitely recommend this type of webinar in the future for anyone who's interested.

I hope this helped, and now I'm off to work on my first three pages to submit for her critique.

In Which We Learn About Writing

There's been some chatter around the blogosphere recently regarding honing one's craft and what specifically that takes.

I've mentioned before that I have a BA in fiction writing. But in all seriousness, I learned more about writing, the business and the nuts and bolts of everything from blogs (and some excellent writing books) than I did in my BA.

Let me 'splain. No, is too much. Let me sum up (NEVER GETS OLD).



I had a lot of fun earning my BA. The best thing about all my advanced fiction classes (and the few post grad classes I was approved to take) was the workshopping. Sure, we had to read some essays and articles on how to write, but almost all of my classes involved writing junk in class, then sharing and getting feedback or crits. I learned A LOT about how to crit and workshop in college (especially in that grad class, which was AWESOME). But I can honestly say, no teacher ever said "Show don't tell" or "don't use adjectives or adverbs" or any of the other important rules (though I did have one teacher who let us help her choose the cover for her most recent book and that was super fun)

Those rules came to me in books on writing.

When I started blog surfing over a year ago, that's when I really started to understand aspects of craft that I had only flirted with before.



I remember Simon had a post and examples on the "Show don't tell" rule that was just genius. It was the first time anyone had ever shown how to follow that rule (a bit ironic, yes? That we're always told and never shown how to Show, Don't tell)(it turns out I was doing it right all along. But it was good to know)

Before Query Shark I had no real clue what a query was. Yes I would have researched it if the time came, but knowing about how to craft a successful query helps me in my writing to narrow down the conflict of the novel ahead of time.

I certainly think you can benefit quite a bit from taking classes. Not to mention the people you can meet.

But if money's an issue for you (and it typically is for me) or if you're super introverted, you can improve your craft by using the lovely interwebs and books all by yourself.



Does that make sense? Yes? Good.

The key is to make the attempt to improve. If you're serious about improving, you'll find a way to do it, no matter your means.

How have you improved your craft?

In Which I Share My Editor Critique

I'm back with my critique for Hole Ridden.



I had a good half a month between when I was notified of the editor's choice pick and when I received the crit so I had plenty of time to be impatient for it. I really wanted to send Hole Ridden out on submission asap so delays were a little prickly (good thing I had Foxfire revisions to keep me distracted). I also knew that once I got the crit I would most likely be upset for a day or two, which is typical for me. Be upset, wait 1-3 days, then address the issues.

BUT after I read this crit, I found I wasn't upset at all. I was excited and energized. I plan to finish up Hole Ridden this week, and then make a list of submission options. Then it will be all growed up and ready to branch out on its own.

Anyhoo, here's the crit. My thoughts will be pasted in red.

Here's another definition of the Editor's Choice Review, from OWW:

"If a submissions of yours is selected as an Editor's Choice, it's partly going to be used as a teaching tool for other members: the editors pick submissions that can be reviewed in such a way as to help both the writer and other workshoppers learn something about their craft. But rest assured: it's also a compliment"


THE CRIT

While it stands as a solid piece of short-story telling as it, the problem with "Hole Ridden" is that -- even at just barely 2600 words -- it's still too long. (this was a surprise to me. I had a few crits from readers who expressed that they wished it was longer. Since I don't really make things longer, I had dismissed these thoughts. But this was the first time someone actually came out and said, "make it shorter") Sarah tends to find moments upon which to linger in order to provide her central character, Janice, time to consider/judge/dismiss things so that the concept of this ever-opening maw of Earth will be accepted by the reader. For the most part it works, but there are a couple of instances where Janice's hesitation in the face of a singularly terrifying truth see, either, a) put there in order to draw out the suspense a little more, or, b) make Janice seem naïve (and borderline stupid). (this is something that I've struggled with throughout the drafts so it doesn't surprise me that he caught a few instances where it's not quite there yet)

A secondary problem lies in Sarah's narrative voice. For easily 80-90% of this story that voice is in complete control, which is one of the main reasons that the tale zooms along, barely stopping to catch its breath. The pacing is excellent, but because the story remains about 300-600 words too long, it could be even better.

Okay, specifics: The story opens with this exchange between Janice and Arthur:

"Are you sure that thing will be able to move a rock that size?" Janice gestured with doubt (already established with the gesture, so repeating it here is redundant) ) to Arthur's tractor. (I can't believe I missed this redundant tag. Gestured with doubt is just another way of saying gestured doubtfully. Smooth Sarah)

Then, in the middle of sentence (he must mean paragraph here...) which was until now solely from Janice's POV, you wrote:

Arthur wrapped a chain around the boulder and paused to look at his machine. He glanced at Janice, nodded and returned to the chain.

Which means that the next line of dialogue below if from Arthur, yet his actions remains attached to those of the last speaker, Janice.

"Yep, it'll hold it all right." Arthur rubbed dusty hands against his overalls and straightened his back. "Now you sure you want me to move it? God doesn't put something like this here for no reason."

Action always remains with the speaker; always. Everything after "Arthur's tractor" in the opening exchange needs to be separate from Janice's opening line an initial gesture.

(I was a little irritated at first by this part of the crit. When you upload work to the OWW system, it doesn't convert easily from Word so you have to go in and add a hard return between each paragraph. This was just a spot where I missed adding the hard return. A typo, more or less. But then I remembered that the crit is also supposed to help everyone else too, and I'm sure there are writer's out there who need help with this area.)

Shortly after this, as Arthur readies to removes the rock, you have a lovely observation from Janice that goes like this:

Janice nodded and retreated a few feet. Poor man had probably never even had champagne, though he seemed confident in his ability to remove rocks.

It's a sweet moment for a couple of reasons; this is the first - and I believe only - time in the story Janice spares a sympathetic thought for anyone but herself, and she's so jaded she doesn't even realize how outrageously condescending it is.

(This comment I enjoyed because the above line is one that I got mixed feedback on. I was glad to see that he liked it and understood the reason I had put it in)

That leads me to the next problem. You skirt far too close to the line of caricature with Arthur and Janice; she being the hard-bitten, cynical, judgmental, impatient, take-no-prisoners type who would have been played by Jane Fonda; Arthur, the almost too-laid-back neighbor and jack of all traits with so much homey wisdom and advice he's just waiting to share. You don't cross this line, but it comes close. (This is something I know the story has issues with. I've been slowly trying to fix it, but it's been difficult since many of my solutions seem to be related to another cliche) But there's an easy fix - and you're not going to like it. (when I read this, I got really worried. What wasn't I going to like? And why? Would I have to lose a character? Rewrite the whole story (I soooo don't do rewrites))

Move Arthur's story about "stopping a hole with a hole" into this scene, along with the few other pertinent bits of information that are exchanged out by the pickett fence Arthur is repairing. This confrontation scene simply doesn't work; it seems forced, it reads forced, and seems to serve no other purpose than provide someplace for Arthur's "a bigger hole to stop a hole" theory. There is no sense of culture clash, no reason for Janice to so vehemently accuse Arthur (even she knows that she didn't hear the tractor start up), so there is no point to this nasty little confrontation they have here.

Cut it. Take what necessary information you need from the scene and scatter throughout the opening sequence.

(After I read this part I was like, "That's it? That's what I'm not going to like?" Clearly Gary doesn't know me at all. Because cutting a whole scene (in a story that only has 3 or so) and moving the important info elsewhere, is not an issue for me. Not at all. I'm actually looking forward to playing around with it. So, huge sigh of relief when his major suggestion was something that I actually enjoy doing with revisions. Also I think he's completely right. I always knew that scene was the weakest. It actually used to be much much worse...)

Last point; your final line:

"If it came down to that, she knew exactly where to put the final one."

This is almost exactly the same thing you did in the story's opening line, only here, instead of voicing doubt while making a gesture of doubt, you have Janice look at her gun, make the connection ... and then tell us what that connection is, just in case someone doesn't get it.

Please cut the final line and use "...Maybe the only way to atop a hole was with another hole." As the final one. It'll be less obvious and much more chilling as a result.

(This one hurt a little. Not because he isn't right (because he so so is and I'm a little sad that I didn't realize how blatant it is) but because I always liked the final line. This will be a "kill the darlings" sort of revision for me, but I think the story will be much stronger if I follow his suggestion.)

In case I forgot to mention it, the entire central conceit of the story is exceptionally clever and compelling, and when the earth starts falling into itself as Janice makes good her escape, I was on the edge of my seat.

(Yay!)

What you have here is an excellent story. I think it can be made even better with some judicious pruning and re-arranging of smaller moments within scenes.

--Gary A. Braunbeck


So there you have it! After reading the crit I was super relieved that he didn't tell me to rewrite, eliminate a character etc, all things I probably wouldn't have done, even to make the story better.
His suggestions were right on the mark and he hit all the spots I knew were the weakest.

I was also excited to see the the Editor's choice for Sci-Fi was a member who had exchanged crits with me, he on Hole Ridden and I on his sci-fi novel chapter one. It was kind of like knowing someone else who had been chosen. Like when you see a friend or family member on TV. (I KNOW them! you think...)

Anyone else get some exciting news lately?

In Which I Share Exciting News

So how was everyone's weekend? Did you have a good time? We did (well except for when we saw The Last Airbender. I'm a HUGE fan of the show. Mr. M. Night Shyamalan, I hereby revoke your movie license. The writing was terrible. Writing 101 - Show Don't Tell.)



Remember how a few weeks ago I requested some crits for Hole-Ridden, well they were super helpful, so thanks again everyone.

A few months ago I discovered a little community called the Online Writer's Workshop, or OWW for short. I actually learned about it from Colleen Lindsay and since I have a bit of a literary business crush on her, I do pretty much whatever she says.

It's an online writing community for sci-fi, fantasy and horror writers. You critique people's submissions which gives you a point and when you have 3 points you can post a piece of your own (up to 7k words) to be critiqued.

I had done something like this before, with The Next Big Writer about 5 years ago. At first I liked that system but then it became clear to me that the crits I got back from the other writer's weren't at my level and so therefore I wasn't getting out as much as I was putting in.

OWW seemed a bit better because they make sure the crits are valid (no one sentence, "good job" allowed) and also OWW has a lot of professional authors as members (Elizabeth Bear, Karin Lowachee (and you all know how much I heart her)).

The first month is free (cost is $50 a year) so I signed up and submitted Hole Ridden to see what kind of crits I got. They were OK. There were a few that were helpful and a few that were either below my level or just clearly didn't understand the story or horror writing in general.

And then, I got the email...

"Hi! A submission you made to the workshop last month has been selected as one of our Editors' Choices (to be reviewed in the next newsletter)"

I freaked out!

What is an Editor's Choice you ask?

"Each month our Resident Editors select one outstanding submission in each category as an Editors' Choice and review it in the newsletter. Editors' Choices do not count against a member's three-submission limit, and remain on display, with their editorial reviews, in our Editors' Choice archive for about four months."

If I had a sci-fi piece that was chosen as an Editor's Choice, it would be critiqued by Karin Lowachee (swoon). Alas this was horror so it would be Gary Braunbeck while Jeanne Cavelos is out.

This would be a crit to end all crits! I was excited because I knew after this crit Hole Ridden would be probably as strong as it could be. But I was also worried. I thought it was pretty strong as is, so what was he going to find wrong with it?

Tune in tomorrow for a special Tuesday post regarding my editor critique of Hole Ridden!

In Which I'm Told I'm Watching Dune

I watched a bit of Dune on TV the other day. I really like the book and have always had mixed feelings about it as a movie. As a kid I always loved the part where they ride on the worms and they have blue eyes. What's not to like?

As a teen, I liked Sting playing Feyd.

I love...the way his name is spelled

I remember, as a teen, making fun of all the internal dialogue with a hilarious friend (said friend, if you're reading this, hi!) The spice, the worms...what does it all mean? I'm not sure, Paul, but I bet if we keep watching, we'll find out.

So I knew the internal dialogue was coming when I watched it the other day. But what I was not expecting was all the unnecessary telling the internal monologue accomplished.

Here's some examples.

Paul is about to be tested by sticking his hand in the box of pain (which is another thing I remember as a child. That and the horrible horrible Baron unplugging that guy's heart plug and the guy just bleeding to death. Fun times).

Paul's mother has this look of fear on her face. Paul looks between his mother and the Bene Gesserit High mother and he can see, clearly based on the actor's facial expressions, that something is going on and his mother is frightened.

Then Paul thinks she's frightened of something.

Boy, you think Paul? We already picked that up from all the actors and their expressions.

Later, Paul's mother is talking to their Dr. Yueh and she mentions that he must really hate the Harkonnens. Yueh makes a comment along the lines of:

"Yes. My wife..." Then he stops talking and has a grieved and pained look on his face. Jessica looks at him sympathetically. Clearly, as an audience, we can see what has happened here.

BUT THEN, the internal monologue.

Jessica thinks, His wife must be dead.

Thank you SO MUCH internal monologue. We could not deduce that ourselves. AND even if we couldn't, in about 15 minutes, we'll know for sure when the Harkonnens tell her that they killed Yueh's wife. I think as an audience, we could have been held in suspense for 15 minutes if we couldn't deduce that his wife was dead.

I have about 6 other specific examples written down just from the hour or so I watched but I think you get the point.

I don't know why they felt the need to hammer us over the head with so much telling. The movie could have been much more subtle and pleasant as opposed to the heavy handed film it is now.

When I read the book, I was never once confused. But when I watch the movie, I'm confused about 50% of the time. If you want to do some telling, movie, to make sure the audience is following you, why don't you let the actors act out their emotions (which they'er already doing) and save the telling for things like what the hell that floating creature thing is - turns out it's the guild navigator. Who knew? Not me, even after I had read the book. Then I was like That's the guild navigator?!.

It would take a hell of a lot of spice to turn a man into this

Anyway, that's what I was thinking when I was watching the movie. Too much unnecessary telling.

Anyone else love or hate Dune? Either the movie or the book? There's supposedly a new movie in the works. Hope it's good.

P.S. - Don't forget to enter my 100 followers writing contest for a chance to win prizes. The deadline is 5PM CST Friday 3/26