In Which I'm Held Accountable

If I says it on the interwebs, then I follow through. Fact. That's half the reason I keep this blog going. I've become a much more prolific writer since I started this baby up, because it keeps my goals in the forefront of my head. Also the routine helps.

So, as promised, a post about audience and writing for yourself and junk.

Back when I was at the conference (yes, another post generated from the conference. I've got at least one more left, too.) There was a discussion on the panel regarding writing for your fans. Lois McMaster Bujold had admitted she'd written her last book because a good friend, whom she owed, straight up asked her for it. Otherwise, everyone pretty much agreed that you shouldn't really write for your fans. Let me 'esplain.

Steve Brust said that he'd had a conversation (and I believe he actually said it was almost knock down drag out fight between the two of them) with Harlan Ellison who stated that as a writer, it's important to be hostile to your fans.

Brust thought this was ludicrous, but he also understood the meaning behind it and kinda agreed. Brust stated that if you write what the fans who are in contact with you ask for, you will disappoint and lose the fans you truly care about.



This goes back to writing for yourself. If you cater to others, it can stifle your creativity. BUT (yes, there is a but) Brust also felt there was a problem with writing just for yourself. He felt if you only write for yourself, it becomes self-indulgent. His solution was to pick a person or two, and write for them. For him, it was typically one of his CPs. He'd write to entertain them.

The last thing he said was, if you worry about your audience, you won't have an audience to worry about because they'll be bored.

I tend to fall in the middle somewhere. I definitely write to entertain myself (otherwise, I get bored and then I wouldn't write) but also I have a few specific people I write for. Twin especially - I often write scenes that I hope will entertain her.

What about you? Do you write for yourself? For someone else? How does it work for you?

In Which We Hit A Conference!

Well, not actually "hit", but you know what I mean.

So Hannah and I hit up 4th Street Fantasy Conversation conference Friday Saturday and Sunday. We'd gone last year and wanted a repeat of the experience.

4th street isn't exactly a writing conference (though there's definitely a lot of writing discussion). You're not going to find any agents or editors (unless they're a panelist or just a participant), or have pitch sessions or chances to have your work read by industry professionals (unless you become friends with them or something).

4th street is set up as one giant conversation. There's a group of panelists, mostly authors, usually a fantasy fan, and sometimes an agent or editor, and they discuss, with the audience, the panel topic.

It's fun and I always seem to learn a lot.

Here's a run down of the conference (and like I said Monday, I have quite a few blog posts planned from discussions, so there will me more details on specific topics in future posts)

Friday morning and afternoon was reserved for the Writer's Seminar. This was an additional $35 (I think) and was one long panel devoted to a topic related to writing. For this year it was Writing Support Networks.

Elise Matthesen was the moderator and we spent hours talking to Lois McMaster Bujold, Elizabeth Bear and Patricia C. Wrede about their paths to becoming authors and the support networks they used along the way.

This, for me, was the best part of the whole conference.


Friday:

Topic: Magic, Monsters, Metaphors
Panelists: Elizabeth Bear, Emma Bull, Will Shetterly, Caroline Stevermer

What was discussed: This was pretty much a big discussion about monstrous people and forces that could control them. Jekyll and Hyde was mentioned quite a bit as was Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Who, both who were good examples of men who, without their companions, could be quite monstrous.


Topic: Birth Control and Families in Fantasy
Panelists: Lois McMaster Bujold, Pamela Den, Sherwood Smith

What we discussed: I was really excited about this panel, but it kind of let me down. I think it was due to weak moderation and so the topic kept delving into real world discussions about women's issues.


Saturday:

Topic: It's a Secret to Everyone
Panelists: Anne Gwin, Will Shetterly, Patricia C. Wrede

What we discussed: This delved a bit into whether or not you as the writer are keeping secrets from the reader, or keeping secrets from the characters. Also discussion of surprise vs tension (A surprise is when people are playing poker and the table explodes. Tension is when we see a person plant a bomb under the table)

Topic: Feast and Famine
Panelists: Alec Austin, Elizabeth Bear, Jon Singer

What we discussed: mmmmm, food. This panel was deliberately scheduled right before lunch. Which was good because there was less talk about eating horses and dogs, and more talk about how stupid it is when adventurers cook stew out on the trail.


Topic: Middle Book Blues
Panelists: Steven Brust, Marissa Lingen, Scott Lynch, Sherwood Smith

What we discussed: Talks about how people can take as long as they want to write that first book, but once that's published, there's a lot more constraints when writing the second one


Topic: Scenes of Conflict
Panelists: Lois McMaster Bujold, Pamela Dean, Caroline Stevermer, Patricia C. Wrede

What we discussed: Another panel I was excited for and then a bit let down by. Discussion about how violence doesn't always = conflict and how emotion can equal conflict


Topic: Class and Colonialism in Fantasy
Panelists: Elizabeth Bear, Steven Brust, Will Shetterly, Ginger Weil, Skyler White

What we discussed: This panel created a lot of arguments and got off topic pretty quickly. There was a lot of discussion regarding how people imagined the middle class throughout different ages of human history and how they're frequently inaccurate


Sunday

Topic: Novelty, Complexity and Mass Appeal
Panelists: Emma Bull, Scott Lynch, Michael Merriam and Sherwood Smith

What we discussed: A lot of talk about different levels of writing within the genre. That often a newbie to the genre sees something in the work as groundbreaking, but experienced readers of the genre find it derivative. But that everyone starts somewhere and there's nothing wrong with writing books as breakout genre novels for those who are inexperienced


Topic: Getting beyond a successful character
Panelists: Steven Brust, Lois McMaster Bujold, Ginger Weil

What we discussed: Both Brust an Bujold are authors of long running series with the same character. Brust said he would never tire of writing this character and Bujold says she struggles with leaving people wanting more before you've given them too much and ruine the whole series for them


Topic: Pestilence, Plague and Public Health
Panelists: Elizabeth Bear, Scott Lynch, Anne Gwin, Stella K Evans

What we discussed: A great panel talking about the lack of public health concerns in genre fiction. I learned a crap load about cholera and was relieved to realize I often have characters with missing teeth and illnesses in my fantasy novels.



So that was the conference in a nutshell. I'll be going on at length in later posts about specific discussions and the awesome brunch Hannah and I had on Sunday (IT WAS SUPER AWESOME!)

In Which I Decided Not To Be Lazy

I originally planned just to throw up a nice easy post for today since I had the conference all weekend, but now I've changed my mind. The conference spawned at least 3 blog posts ideas, not to mention a post about the actual conference (tentatively scheduled for Wednesday) so I figured I could at least talk about something.

On Friday, Hannah and I had lunch with Elise Matthesen (who is like the most awesome person EVAH! I'm serial. We thought this last year too. She's one of those people that as soon as you hear her talk you want to be her friend/stalk her/be her).




We were discussing how novel writing and short story writing are two different skills and that not every writer possesses them.

She said it angers her when novel writers say "I need to write some short stories to try and break in" and then short story writers state "I need to write novels because there's no money in short stories" (which is when Elizabeth Bear pointed out that there's no money in publishing anywhere).

Anyway, to illustrate the original post, Elise had Patricia C. Wrede tell an amusing anecdote.

Pat announced that she had sold every single novel she has every written (which is CRAZY!) but when asked how many of her short stories she'd sold it was only about 50%.

She was a perfect example of someone who could write novels, but couldn't translate that skill over to short stories.

This isn't the case for everyone. I can write both. Elise just wanted people to stop worrying about trying to "break in" or to write something you weren't suited for just because someone else tells you to. You have to do what's right for you.

So how about you? Can you do only one or the other? Or are you one (like me) who can do both?

In Which I've Been Putting Something Off

Yep, that's right. I've been avoiding something. Avoiding it like a zombie death plague.
What is it, you ask? Why, it's writing a Synopsis.





Yep. I don't want to do it. Even just thinking about it kind of pisses me off. I understand the purpose of them, but to me, they stink of, more or less, writing an outline for the book once it's already completed.

I already wrote an outline before I wrote the first draft. Even though the synopsis is not even remotely like an outline, it just feels like it to me. It feels like a step backwards.

So I've been putting it off. To be fair, by putting it off, I mean I've been working on other edits/revisions, so it's not like wasted time. But I'm running out of revisions to do, which means sometime soon, I will have to bite the bullet and write that stupid synopsis. And probably more than one, since some agents want different lengths.

Does anyone else have this dislike of synopses like I do? Any tips how to make it go down better/easier?

In Which I Finish A Video Game About A Writer

So I finally finished Alan Wake, the video game where you play a writer's-blocked super-star author who has to find his missing wife in a small Washington town where creepy shit happens. It took longer than expected to finish because we all got wrapped up in Halo: Reach again. But we finally took a break from that and went back to Alan Wake to finish up the final chapter.




It's a clever game. The MC, Alan, and his wife rent a cabin to try and help out with his writer's block. They spend less than 30 minutes at the cabin before the lights go out and Alan loses track of his wife. Then he wakes up in a crashed car, alone, with no recollection how he got there.

Throughout the game you have to collect manuscript pages of a new novel Alan apparently wrote, that he has no memory of. The manuscript is about real life events.

It's kind of funny because the game writing is good and believable, but Alan's supposed to be this spectacular writer, and the manuscript pages are just full of writing 101 mistakes:

All telling, no showing
POV shifts (and I mean, some of the pages are from Alan's POV, 1st person, and the others are from other characters POV, 3rd person)
Cliche's everywhere.

Even my non-writerly siblings groaned over how bad Alan's writing was.

For reals, the game creators could have hired any writer just to fix up the manuscript pages. I could have made a few tweaks here or there and they would've been much better.

Still, that said, the game was fun, and creepy. Apparently in this game world, Authors go to hollywood-esque parties all the time, and have hollywood-esque agents. Also there's a crazy FBI agent who's chasing Alan and everytime he comes across him he calls him by a different writer's name. So like:
"Shut up Steven King"
or "I finally caught you, James Patterson".
Which I found clever.

So, it missed the mark on actual good writing, and for accurately portraying a writerly life, but it was still fun and entertaining. And the soundtrack was fantastic.

Check it out, if you're a gamer.

In Which We Talk Swears

*there will be swearing in this post. Look away if you do not approve

Like the title says, let's have a damn chat about swears (see what I did there?)

Specifically I want to talk about swears in fantasy (or sci-fi, or maybe even dystopian) novels.
If you're writing contemporary, or even paranormal or anything where your setting is the "here and now", well, your swears are already created for you. They're the ones we use every day (well, that some of us use every day *furtive eyes*)

BUT, what if you're writing a novel that doesn't take place here? What if it's 300 years in the future, or a fantasy world or wherever?
Fuck is probably not going to cut it.





It's important to remember, though, when making up swears, that you don't just make up any word to replace Fuck.
I mean, you can substitute Frem, or whatever, but it will hold a lot more believability if you pick a word that has actual meaning in the world.


Example.
When writing Glimpse, I needed some swears. Sure, I could have used fuck and shit (and there are some damns and hells) but it would have been a little lazy of me. My story is not on earth as we know it.
Pier, the main character, lives on an island and their whole culture is based around the sea. So, though shit may still be able to work, would a sea-related curse be even more believable?
The short answer is Yes. Also, creating world specific swears is a quick and easy way to fill out your world-building.

So, for Glimpse, I brainstormed with Twin and Brother and Also Hannah and Teebore, and the two main swears I came up with were:

Rot
Bilge

Both of them are related to the sea, or ships or whatever. They're believable and they work.
Also, if you plan to use any form of God as an expletive, it's important to take into consideration whether or not God even plays a part in your milieu.
In Glimpse, Pier's culture worships a sea goddess called Mear.
So instead of God-Damn, we have Mear Damn You.

Here's another example. In Anne McCaffrey's Pern series, the MCs are typically dragon riders (holy HELL I want to read those again RIGHT NOW). Even if they aren't dragon riders, all their lives revolve around dragons and fire lizards.
The swears they use?

Shells
Shards


In Across the Universe, the swear used on the ship is Frex, which seems like a no-nonsense word, until you find out that the letters FRX appear on certain areas of the ship. If you spend generations looking at those letters, it's completely believable that Frex could rise out of that.


Of course, all of this is relative to whether or not your character would even use swears. Pier most definitely would.
Kiersten White's Evie does, but in an adorable, believable, way: Bleep.

You should first and foremost do what is right for your character, even if it goes against your own beliefs. If you force a character to conform against their nature, then the character will read false and weak. And that's something we all want to avoid.

So, give me your damn thoughts. What are some of the swears you've used?

In Which I Pass On Some Info

So guess who alllllllmost forgot to write a blog post for today?

That's right. This gal.






So because I was scrambling, there's not much to this one. Except for this little tidbit of info (which you probably already know, but just in case...)

Did you know that Elana Johnson wrote an eBook about writing queries?

Did you know that the eBook is now available FREE OF COST?!

Did you know that it's actually quite an awesome reference guide regarding the how-to's of query writing? (it is. I promise)

Go here and click on Query to the Call to download it for free. It is totally worth it. Promise.


So, how are things with you? Anything exciting going on?

In Which I Share My Editor Critique

I'm back with my critique for Hole Ridden.



I had a good half a month between when I was notified of the editor's choice pick and when I received the crit so I had plenty of time to be impatient for it. I really wanted to send Hole Ridden out on submission asap so delays were a little prickly (good thing I had Foxfire revisions to keep me distracted). I also knew that once I got the crit I would most likely be upset for a day or two, which is typical for me. Be upset, wait 1-3 days, then address the issues.

BUT after I read this crit, I found I wasn't upset at all. I was excited and energized. I plan to finish up Hole Ridden this week, and then make a list of submission options. Then it will be all growed up and ready to branch out on its own.

Anyhoo, here's the crit. My thoughts will be pasted in red.

Here's another definition of the Editor's Choice Review, from OWW:

"If a submissions of yours is selected as an Editor's Choice, it's partly going to be used as a teaching tool for other members: the editors pick submissions that can be reviewed in such a way as to help both the writer and other workshoppers learn something about their craft. But rest assured: it's also a compliment"


THE CRIT

While it stands as a solid piece of short-story telling as it, the problem with "Hole Ridden" is that -- even at just barely 2600 words -- it's still too long. (this was a surprise to me. I had a few crits from readers who expressed that they wished it was longer. Since I don't really make things longer, I had dismissed these thoughts. But this was the first time someone actually came out and said, "make it shorter") Sarah tends to find moments upon which to linger in order to provide her central character, Janice, time to consider/judge/dismiss things so that the concept of this ever-opening maw of Earth will be accepted by the reader. For the most part it works, but there are a couple of instances where Janice's hesitation in the face of a singularly terrifying truth see, either, a) put there in order to draw out the suspense a little more, or, b) make Janice seem naïve (and borderline stupid). (this is something that I've struggled with throughout the drafts so it doesn't surprise me that he caught a few instances where it's not quite there yet)

A secondary problem lies in Sarah's narrative voice. For easily 80-90% of this story that voice is in complete control, which is one of the main reasons that the tale zooms along, barely stopping to catch its breath. The pacing is excellent, but because the story remains about 300-600 words too long, it could be even better.

Okay, specifics: The story opens with this exchange between Janice and Arthur:

"Are you sure that thing will be able to move a rock that size?" Janice gestured with doubt (already established with the gesture, so repeating it here is redundant) ) to Arthur's tractor. (I can't believe I missed this redundant tag. Gestured with doubt is just another way of saying gestured doubtfully. Smooth Sarah)

Then, in the middle of sentence (he must mean paragraph here...) which was until now solely from Janice's POV, you wrote:

Arthur wrapped a chain around the boulder and paused to look at his machine. He glanced at Janice, nodded and returned to the chain.

Which means that the next line of dialogue below if from Arthur, yet his actions remains attached to those of the last speaker, Janice.

"Yep, it'll hold it all right." Arthur rubbed dusty hands against his overalls and straightened his back. "Now you sure you want me to move it? God doesn't put something like this here for no reason."

Action always remains with the speaker; always. Everything after "Arthur's tractor" in the opening exchange needs to be separate from Janice's opening line an initial gesture.

(I was a little irritated at first by this part of the crit. When you upload work to the OWW system, it doesn't convert easily from Word so you have to go in and add a hard return between each paragraph. This was just a spot where I missed adding the hard return. A typo, more or less. But then I remembered that the crit is also supposed to help everyone else too, and I'm sure there are writer's out there who need help with this area.)

Shortly after this, as Arthur readies to removes the rock, you have a lovely observation from Janice that goes like this:

Janice nodded and retreated a few feet. Poor man had probably never even had champagne, though he seemed confident in his ability to remove rocks.

It's a sweet moment for a couple of reasons; this is the first - and I believe only - time in the story Janice spares a sympathetic thought for anyone but herself, and she's so jaded she doesn't even realize how outrageously condescending it is.

(This comment I enjoyed because the above line is one that I got mixed feedback on. I was glad to see that he liked it and understood the reason I had put it in)

That leads me to the next problem. You skirt far too close to the line of caricature with Arthur and Janice; she being the hard-bitten, cynical, judgmental, impatient, take-no-prisoners type who would have been played by Jane Fonda; Arthur, the almost too-laid-back neighbor and jack of all traits with so much homey wisdom and advice he's just waiting to share. You don't cross this line, but it comes close. (This is something I know the story has issues with. I've been slowly trying to fix it, but it's been difficult since many of my solutions seem to be related to another cliche) But there's an easy fix - and you're not going to like it. (when I read this, I got really worried. What wasn't I going to like? And why? Would I have to lose a character? Rewrite the whole story (I soooo don't do rewrites))

Move Arthur's story about "stopping a hole with a hole" into this scene, along with the few other pertinent bits of information that are exchanged out by the pickett fence Arthur is repairing. This confrontation scene simply doesn't work; it seems forced, it reads forced, and seems to serve no other purpose than provide someplace for Arthur's "a bigger hole to stop a hole" theory. There is no sense of culture clash, no reason for Janice to so vehemently accuse Arthur (even she knows that she didn't hear the tractor start up), so there is no point to this nasty little confrontation they have here.

Cut it. Take what necessary information you need from the scene and scatter throughout the opening sequence.

(After I read this part I was like, "That's it? That's what I'm not going to like?" Clearly Gary doesn't know me at all. Because cutting a whole scene (in a story that only has 3 or so) and moving the important info elsewhere, is not an issue for me. Not at all. I'm actually looking forward to playing around with it. So, huge sigh of relief when his major suggestion was something that I actually enjoy doing with revisions. Also I think he's completely right. I always knew that scene was the weakest. It actually used to be much much worse...)

Last point; your final line:

"If it came down to that, she knew exactly where to put the final one."

This is almost exactly the same thing you did in the story's opening line, only here, instead of voicing doubt while making a gesture of doubt, you have Janice look at her gun, make the connection ... and then tell us what that connection is, just in case someone doesn't get it.

Please cut the final line and use "...Maybe the only way to atop a hole was with another hole." As the final one. It'll be less obvious and much more chilling as a result.

(This one hurt a little. Not because he isn't right (because he so so is and I'm a little sad that I didn't realize how blatant it is) but because I always liked the final line. This will be a "kill the darlings" sort of revision for me, but I think the story will be much stronger if I follow his suggestion.)

In case I forgot to mention it, the entire central conceit of the story is exceptionally clever and compelling, and when the earth starts falling into itself as Janice makes good her escape, I was on the edge of my seat.

(Yay!)

What you have here is an excellent story. I think it can be made even better with some judicious pruning and re-arranging of smaller moments within scenes.

--Gary A. Braunbeck


So there you have it! After reading the crit I was super relieved that he didn't tell me to rewrite, eliminate a character etc, all things I probably wouldn't have done, even to make the story better.
His suggestions were right on the mark and he hit all the spots I knew were the weakest.

I was also excited to see the the Editor's choice for Sci-Fi was a member who had exchanged crits with me, he on Hole Ridden and I on his sci-fi novel chapter one. It was kind of like knowing someone else who had been chosen. Like when you see a friend or family member on TV. (I KNOW them! you think...)

Anyone else get some exciting news lately?

In Which I Feel A Word Is Spelled Incorrectly

You know what word I always want to spell incorrectly?

Into.

I want to spell it as "in to" - two words. Well not always, but often. I strongly disagree with it being one word. Strongly.

It just doesn't make any sense to me. For example, I'll make up a fake sentence.

"She shoved the head into the box"

Because I feel this sentence could also be written "She shoved the head in the box" (though this way it has a different meaning) I feel that "into" should be two words.

Is this weird? Am I the only one that has this issue with "into"?

I also occasionally have problems with "awhile", though that has more to do with the fact that I saw it once as a while, and I'm pretty sure that was a typo, but now I'm always confused about it.

Does anyone else have a word or words that you feel should be spelled differently?

(Sorry for the short post today, I was out all day on Sunday and forgot to write a blog post. I suspect the rest of the ones this week should be of a normal length).

In Which I Am Engrossed

Does anyone else get engrossed when reading their own WIPs? I do. Or at least it's something like engrossed. I always start off reading and editing, but then almost always I hit a point where I realize I'm just reading the story and not really paying attention to the edits that need to happen.

This happens frequently when I beta as well, which is why my beginnings are always heavily marked up, but the marks drop off towards the end.

I can't help it, the stories just always draw me in.

The solution, of course, is to read backwards. It helps you focus on each individual sentence instead of focusing on the whole.

Unfortunately I'm not at that point yet, I'm at the point where I'm reading each scene and deciding on any major changes I need to make. So reading backwards doesn't help when you're looking for pacing issues, and plot holes.

Also, it hurts that I've only read the whole WIP once-ish (it will be twice once I'm done with each of these scenes) so I'm not yet overly familiar with it.

Does this happen to anyone else? What are your solutions?

In Which I Revise Some More

So revisions for Foxfire seem to be going steady. Not that I've done much "revising" per se (not counting the few scenes I've added). But the preparing for the revisions is going steady.

I've come up with a better conflict and purpose for the antagonist, which was literally non-existent in the first draft (me and my passive characters). That will really make things tighten up nicely, I believe.

Here's a pic of what I'm doing right now.



I've taken each scene and posted them on one of my notebook pages. I title the page with the chapter and scene # (Chp 4.1 etc) and then I read through the scene. Anything I come across that needs fixing, I write it on the page next to the scene post it. My thoughts are that I can then highlight each piece of editing I've completed for each scene as I go.

Also this way I can do editing scene by scene instead of trying to do it ONE WHOLE NOVEL AT A TIME... no thanks. Not for me.

All the scenes have a repeating list of revision bits which include (but are not limited to) things such as: Line Edits, First and last scene sentence revision, POV check, SDT check, Conflict, Action etc.

I'm really really interested in how everyone else goes about editing and revising whole novels. Which is, of course, why I keep posting about my own process. Because I figure if I'm curious, surely others are as well.

Anyone else written blog posts regarding their specific revision processes?

In Which I Search For Pictures

I did something last week that I've never done before. No it wasn't skydiving.
I looked up people pics to try and find ones that look like my characters!

I know a lot of people do this, but it just never occurred to me as something to do. I know what my characters look like in my head.

But then on one of the blogs I frequent (can't remember which one) she had posted a pic of her main character and I realized hey, I could do that too!

So I spent hours pouring over pics of teens and adults trying to find the closest match to my characters.

It was so much fun!

If you haven't done it before now, I would recommend it. I used a model/actor website and had a lot of luck.

And here we go!

This is my MC Fox. His hair is actually redder and longer and he should look a bit younger but otherwise this is a pretty good match

This what my other MC Quill looks like, she would just have much shorter hair

This is Lisi, Fox's mother

Both Fox and Quill have two love interests (their characters mirror each other a bit)
For Quill we have:

Otter

and

Bear

And for Fox there is:

Memma

and

Amira

The last two human characters are:

Zirah

Jona

Anyone else ever pick pictures for their characters?

In Which I'm Told I'm Watching Dune

I watched a bit of Dune on TV the other day. I really like the book and have always had mixed feelings about it as a movie. As a kid I always loved the part where they ride on the worms and they have blue eyes. What's not to like?

As a teen, I liked Sting playing Feyd.

I love...the way his name is spelled

I remember, as a teen, making fun of all the internal dialogue with a hilarious friend (said friend, if you're reading this, hi!) The spice, the worms...what does it all mean? I'm not sure, Paul, but I bet if we keep watching, we'll find out.

So I knew the internal dialogue was coming when I watched it the other day. But what I was not expecting was all the unnecessary telling the internal monologue accomplished.

Here's some examples.

Paul is about to be tested by sticking his hand in the box of pain (which is another thing I remember as a child. That and the horrible horrible Baron unplugging that guy's heart plug and the guy just bleeding to death. Fun times).

Paul's mother has this look of fear on her face. Paul looks between his mother and the Bene Gesserit High mother and he can see, clearly based on the actor's facial expressions, that something is going on and his mother is frightened.

Then Paul thinks she's frightened of something.

Boy, you think Paul? We already picked that up from all the actors and their expressions.

Later, Paul's mother is talking to their Dr. Yueh and she mentions that he must really hate the Harkonnens. Yueh makes a comment along the lines of:

"Yes. My wife..." Then he stops talking and has a grieved and pained look on his face. Jessica looks at him sympathetically. Clearly, as an audience, we can see what has happened here.

BUT THEN, the internal monologue.

Jessica thinks, His wife must be dead.

Thank you SO MUCH internal monologue. We could not deduce that ourselves. AND even if we couldn't, in about 15 minutes, we'll know for sure when the Harkonnens tell her that they killed Yueh's wife. I think as an audience, we could have been held in suspense for 15 minutes if we couldn't deduce that his wife was dead.

I have about 6 other specific examples written down just from the hour or so I watched but I think you get the point.

I don't know why they felt the need to hammer us over the head with so much telling. The movie could have been much more subtle and pleasant as opposed to the heavy handed film it is now.

When I read the book, I was never once confused. But when I watch the movie, I'm confused about 50% of the time. If you want to do some telling, movie, to make sure the audience is following you, why don't you let the actors act out their emotions (which they'er already doing) and save the telling for things like what the hell that floating creature thing is - turns out it's the guild navigator. Who knew? Not me, even after I had read the book. Then I was like That's the guild navigator?!.

It would take a hell of a lot of spice to turn a man into this

Anyway, that's what I was thinking when I was watching the movie. Too much unnecessary telling.

Anyone else love or hate Dune? Either the movie or the book? There's supposedly a new movie in the works. Hope it's good.

P.S. - Don't forget to enter my 100 followers writing contest for a chance to win prizes. The deadline is 5PM CST Friday 3/26

In Which We Discuss Chapter Breaks

I think I've mentioned before that I don't naturally write with chapters in mind. I write in scenes, and the scenes are written chronologically, and clearly a few of them would be good as chapter endings based on the last line of the scene, but overall I don't put chapter breaks in while I'm writing.

Which means, of course, I have to do that later.

I think I finally got the scenes moved around and separated into viable chapters for Foxfire.

If you remember, here's what my scene blocking looked like before...

And here's what it looks like now, firmly separated into chapters.

As you can see there's no longer one giant chapter on the right hand side and the colors are spread out more evenly. I also added a few more scenes (one pink, one blue), reworked one (I took the prologue and moved it into chapter 3 or 4, can't quite remember which) and split a lengthy Quill scene into two.

Oh, since I forgot to mention this last time we discuss scene-blocking and there seems to have been quite a bit of interest in this technique I'll tell you what I put on each card.

In the upper right hand corner I wrote the scene #, in case I moved some scenes around, but then wanted to put them back in their original order. On the left hand corner I wrote the number of pages in the scene. On the blue cards, because they're from minor character POVs I put the name of the character the scene's POV was in. I didn't have to do this on the green or pink ones because green scenes = Fox, my male MC and pink = Quill, my female MC.

In the body of the cards I wrote both the first and last line of the scene. That way I could see if I was reusing any opening or closing sentences (and I was) and I could remember that I need to make each of these sentences as best as they can be and full of hooks and conflict.

Then below that I wrote a one sentence summary of the scene, just in case I couldn't tell what the scene was about from the first and last sentences. Something like "Quill is ousted from her village".

Of course, you can write whatever you want on the cards. That was just the information I found most helpful for me when scene-blocking.

Anyway, back to the chapter discussion.

I have a question for all of you who either write in chapters, or for anyone who has broken a novel out into chapters (which, I assume, would be anyone that has finished a novel)

How long do you make your chapters?

From a scene POV, you can see that all my chapters are about the same - 3 or 4 scenes, one of about each color. I purposely aimed for that because I like the symmetry of it.

But, a few of those scenes are only a few pages long (I do plan on fluffing some of them up a bit...) which means I have chapters (especially in the beginning) that are 30 pages long, and then chapters in the end that are only 9 pages long.

Do you think this is an issue? Would this bother you as a reader? As a writer? Would you even notice?

I'm just not sure if I should combine a few of the chapters just to give them a longer a chapter page count, even though it will mean giving those chapters a longer scene count. If that makes sense.

Thoughts?

How do you arrange your chapters?

P.S. - Don't forget to enter my 100 followers writing contest for a chance to win prizes. The deadline is 5PM CST Friday 3/26

In Which I'm Hungry For Some Games

I finished reading The Hunger Games and Catching Fire (I'm team Peeta, if anyone is wondering).
After so much hype spread their way, I have to say that I was not disappointed.
I took about 2 days to read The Hunger Games and 1 day for Catching Fire. I think Catching Fire was my favorite, just by a smidgen.

I mean, a dystopian series where children fight to the death? Yeah count me in for that book.

Look at this awesome pic! Credit goes to Clio Chiang

The only thing I had a "problem" with (and I use quotes because I'm not quite sure this is a problem) was the pace.

It was so super duper fast.

Which of course led to me reading them both in 3 days. That's not overly a big deal, I have a lot of books to read and I had set aside Manuscript Makeover to take a crack at these, so the fast pace let me get back to that book quickly.

The fast pace gave the books a "can't put this down" quality, which is certainly good for the author. I actually had to debate how late I should stay up and continue reading The Hunger Games - was 11pm too late when I have to get up at 6:20 to work out? No it wasn't, even though I regretted it in the morning.

What I don't like with such a fast pace is that the story is done almost before you get a chance to really get into it. Because I'm reading it so fast, because I just cannot put it down, I feel like it's over too soon. With a good book, I want time to savor it, not be forced to finish it as fast as possible.

Also, because of their fast pace, they really interfered with other things I needed to do. Like editing my WIP.
Who has time to edit while reading the Hunger Games? Not me, apparently.

So is the fast pace a problem? Yes and no. No because it worked successfully in the books and I could not put them down. Yes because I read the books too quickly and they interfered with other things.

Either way, they were very enjoyable and I look forward to Mocking Jay coming out in August. Where I'm sure I'll read it in one day.

What about you? Have you read The Hunger Games or another book that you wish wasn't so fast paced?

In Which Dialogue Takes Over

I like to write dialogue. It's something I find easy, and fun to do.

One thing that drives me crazy, though, is when the dialogue goes somewhere I'm not planning or somewhere completely unexpected.

Sometimes this is a good thing of course. Maybe the characters' conversation reveals some surprising characterization or plot point. Then it's fun.

BUT when I'm trying to write a conversation that needs to go a certain way, when the dialogue needs to reveal something important for the scene, that's when it irritates me when the dialogue goes off script.

Because I find that dialogue flows so easily, it's really hard for me to change it, add in sentences, remove other parts, and still make it sound realistic, or at least, not forced.

Does anyone else have any troubles with their dialogue occasionally taking over?

In Which I Scene Block

I finished scene-blocking Foxfire. I had a lot of fun and it's the first time I've tried it. Always before I thought it seemed like a useless exercise because I write in a linear fashion, so there's certainly no reason for me to move scenes around - that would mess up the plot something fierce.

But for Foxfire, I knew I needed to add a few scenes here or there and more importantly I needed to list out all the scenes to try and figure out where the chapter breaks fall (since I do not write with chapters in mind).

Here's the results:

The green notes (though they look a bit yellow in the pic) are scenes from MC Fox's POV while the pink ones are scenes from MC Quill's POV.

The blue ones are scenes from any other characters (of which include 2 antagonists and 4 other minor characters)

Counting the Prologue (which will be cut) and the epilogue I have 24 chapters, though I plan on combining some of those single scene chapters or adding another scene here or there.

The gaps are chapter breaks and though some of them look much much longer than the others, some of the scenes are only a page or two, especially with that long chapter towards the right. Also that one might need to be broken up a bit.

I need a blue card earlier in the story and also I think I need to break up that long pink Quill stretch, but we'll see.

It's kind of neat, seeing my story structure in a physical manner.

Does anyone else do any scene-blocking during revisions?

Also here is the answer to yesterday's post:

1. I have had a menagerie of pets, including squirrels, ducks, dogs, guinea pigs, rats, gerbils, hamsters, chameleons, fish and raccoons

This one is a lie. I've never had a raccoon

2. My favorite vegetable is carrots

No thanks on carrots. Unless they come from my own garden. Then they taste delicious

3. I've broken my clavicle twice

DING DING! This one is the true one! I broke it when i was an infant when my mom tripped and fell over a garden hose while carrying Twin and I. The second time Twin broke it when were were 6 and wrestling

4. I hate watching Supernatural

This one is an obvious bold faced lie. There is nothing to even dislike about this show

5. One of my favorite places to shop is Wal-Mart

Nope. I avoid it at all costs

6. I really don't like to play boggle

Lie! Who doesn't like to play boggle? I even had it on my phone

7. I've been to Italy, Austria and France

I've been to Italy and Austria but not France.

So there you have it! Congrats to anyone who guessed correctly!

In Which I Set A Hook

So since I have to cut my prologue in Foxfire, that means I have to start my story elsewhere.
And though it seems like it should be an easy decision (just remove the prologue and start at chapter one) it really isn't.

One of the most important things you can do to give your novel a starting chance, is to give it a great opening. After all, when an agent is looking at your manuscript you want him/her to get as far into your story as possible. You don't want them to read the first paragraph or page and then set it aside.

So a strong opening will strengthen your chances.

The best way to craft a strong opening is to start with a hook, and an inciting incident. The hook is something that catches your reader's eye. Something like "Fred thought things were going great until the monkeys attacked," or whatever. I'd keep reading after that, because, I mean, monkey attack!

The inciting incident is the moment where your character starts on the path to change. What is it that happens to your MC (or, better yet as we discussed in my posts about passivity, what is it your MC does) that starts that change?

Hopefully this will also set in motion a surface problem. A surface problem is just what it sounds like, a problem on the surface of the story. Typically these are solved but then another one arises, etc.

So for Foxfire I'm struggling a bit with wondering how I want to handle my inciting incident. There's two places I could start it and I originally thought it would be when Fox has an accident and injures himself. I still think this would be a great place to jump into the story. But the issue I have with that is that I would lose a big big chunk of Fox's story before that and I would like to build him up a bit before I stick him with the first disaster.

So it's looking more and more likely that the inciting incident will have to go earlier (coincidentally, in a chapter one scene) and I'll have to rewrite that chapter to start with the hook and bring about the inciting incident.

I'm really excited to dig into this part of my revision. It seems to me it will be like playing with clay, and I get to smash it all around before the clay comes out looking like a horse head (that's pretty much the extent of my ability to shape clay...)

So what's your inciting incident? And does it happen early enough in your story?

In Which Prologues Are No Longer Welcome

I love prologues. I love to write them and I don't mind reading them.
Recently, though, I came upon the discovery that many many people skip reading prologues all together. Prologues are kind of the "red headed stepchild" of the writing world and are looked down upon by many people.

Though, to be fair, I guess they've got a point when they state that almost all prologues (unless you're doing a frame story) is backstory. And since you never want to start your novel with backstory, you should cut that prologue and cut it quick.

And even though I know this, I still love to write prologues. My prologues almost always revolve around an incident with one of the characters that happened years earlier. It's almost always an inciting incident of some sort (for Foxfire, it revolves around how Fox, the Male MC is abandoned as a child), but not really of the novel itself.

So even though I love it, and I don't think it's really all that much backstory (even though this is just an excuse I tell myself) I know the prologue has to go.

Sadface.

The tough part, though, is to now take all of the necessary info in the prologue (and there is quite a bit of it regarding how the world works, etc) and inject it later into the story. The difficulty about this is I always want to stick it in too early and that is, of course, a bad idea because then I'd just be starting the novel with backstory again.

Hopefully once I draw out scene cards, I'll better be able to see where to stick the prologue bits.


So does anyone else write prologues? And do you keep them, or kill them?

Tomorrow, a bit more on where to start your story.

Also, two weeks ago I received the blogger purrfection award from the lovely Piedmont Writer(check her out if you're not already. I really enjoy her blog)

In Which Characters Are Dragged Through Hell

So yesterday we discussed passive characters and fixing disasters that are (hopefully) brought about by the MCs trying to fix things.

Another trick you can use to force your characters to remain active instead of passive is to put them through hell.

And now I will use an example from my favorite of all favorite shows...

MAKE IT OR BREAK IT!

That's right! And you forgot all about it...

So if you remember from last time I discussed the awesomeness that is the show (BTW, I'm now making Twin watch it with me. Converting the unsuspecting, one person at a time...) Payson broke her back in the season finale last season and her doctors said she wouldn't ever do gymnastics again. Which sucks for her because she was a favorite for the 2012 Olympics.

So Payson tries to pretend it doesn't bother her, but of course it does and she alienates her friends and family and breaks all her trophies and refuses to even go to The Rock to visit the other gymnasts or consider being a gymnastics coach.

So things are crappy for Payson.

Then, her pseudo boyfriend tells her about this back surgeon in LA who is the best in the world. So even though Payson and her parents decided she wouldn't see any more doctors, Payson gets her hopes up about this doctor and convinces her mom to allow her to get a consult.

The new super doctor tells her that he agrees with her original prognosis. No more gymnastics.

So Payson is broken hearted again.

Payson then has to go to public school, because there's no point to being home schooled anymore. She hangs out with a bit of a bad crowd and gets in trouble based purely on association, but this helps her realize that she can't spend her whole life thinking about how she can no longer be a gymnast. She has to move on, and find something else she'll love just as much.

So things are looking up for Payson, she's making new friends, joining clubs at school, gets to go to Prom and doesn't even have to wear her back brace at the dance.



And then, a doctor from Europe calls Payson's father and advises them that she believes she can perform an experimental surgery which will allow Payson to compete in gymnastics again.

Payson is excited about the chance, but she catches her parents fighting over the idea and because she doesn't want to be the source of their arguments or their fear she tells them she doesn't want the surgery.

If we look over all of these scenes (which of course have happened over the span of 8 or so episodes) we can see that every and any time Payson starts to feel good, or happy or things start to "come up Milhouse" for her, things then go to crap.

If you continue to throw horrible things at your characters, drag them through hell, then it's difficult for them to remain passive.

But you want to be careful that you allow the characters to make a mess of things as much as possible. Yes, the doctor calling from Europe is a bit of Deus Ex Machina (I LOVE saying that), BUT it's going to come down to Payson deciding if she wants to take the risk of surgery (a surgery that could possibly leave her paralyzed) in order to get another chance at her lifelong dream.

If your characters try and fix the bad things that happen to them, make their solutions cause even more problems (for example, Payson's big let down at the LA surgeon's is due purely because she fully believed she would be fixed and convinced her mom to bring her to LA for the consult. She caused herself that moment of heartbreak).

So, in recap, ways to avoid passivity = bad things happen to MC, MC tries to fix bad thing, which makes things worse, which MC tries to fix, which makes things worse, etc, until we reach the end and (hopefully) a point of change for the character.

You want to be careful that you have moments of breathing space for your readers, give a little taste of good things before the next disaster happens. This will allow your reader to take a breath and will also make the next disaster even weightier if things were going OK for a bit.

Again these are all things I try to keep in mind as I'm drafting, but truthfully I'll have to go back in during revisions to heighten the drama in each scene.

Does anyone else follow the "drag your MC through hell" approach to prevent them from remaining passive?