Yvie here. I told Mom I expected to be part of this blog endeavor of hers, especially since she stopped updating my diary. So instead of listening to me harp on her (because even though she says Twin harps on her, the truth is, I'm the Harping Queen in this house) she just folded like her creepy opposable thumbs.
So I was reading computer stuff over mom's shoulder the other day (sigh. Yes I had to use a chair. I'm only like 1 foot tall) when I saw this word I had never seen before.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" I commanded her.
"Ow. Did you have to bark right in my ear and then bite it?" she asked me.
"Yes. Yes I did Mommy. What is that word right there?" I asked. I pointed with my paw and not some creepy ape hand.
"What, that? That's just a word verification system. It's to prevent Spam."
"Why? Who would want to prevent SPAM? It's damn delicious."
"Not SPAM. Spam. It's a computer term."
"Does it come in a can?"
At this point she stopped answering. She must have been disgusted by her human lack of knowledge. She clearly didn't understand the finer points of SPAM.
"But it wasn't a real word," I continued.
"I know it wasn't. They're almost all fake."
I pondered this idea for awhile. It took a long time because I fell asleep and then chewed on a bone. When I cornered Mom about it again she was in bed.
"I'm going to make them real words," I said as I arranged my bed just how I like it.
"What are you going on about?"
"The spiced pig words. I'm going to make them real words by giving them definitions. Then you are going to put them on your dlog."
"You mean blog?"
"That's what I said. You'll put them on the blog and they will be real words. And the world can thank me for creating brand new words for them to use."
She then tried to go on about how not all humans "speak" English and I agreed with her since everyone knows that the human ape-barking isn't speaking at all. Wood knocking makes more sense.
I then farted and went to sleep.
So that's where we're at. Please use these new words and help make me a world power.
Icanit - This is the term for how people store SPAM once they have it freshly picked from the SPAM fields
Patess - This is woman's name. The female version of Patrick. You do know that there already are female versions of Patrick, right? Patrice, Patricia... Shut UP Mommy. Get out of my post!
Bathshe - a terrible creature that flies in the air, shrieking and screaming whenever a bath is about to be thrust upon some poor, helpless dog.
Moutcher - a mouse mustache
Nonsed - this is what people do when they're so taken aback by the genius of dogs that they have nothing to say. Example - see Mommy above regarding SPAM
Eterpoo - when you eat so much food (such as SPAM) and the subsequent poop is so great you think the pooping will never end
Forsa - What the people have to do to get a dog into a bathtub
Thank you all, ape-friends. I will see you next Friday